Do you ever get the feeling that your life is just spiralling out of control? Well that’s been me for the last two weeks. The day job is as hectic as ever and people…people are a real pain in the… I feel as though I have not been able to do anything that I should, or want to be doing, for doing stuff that other people should be doing!
Then there is that added problem of not being paid in a timely fashion. I’ve had a hell of a job chasing up money I’ve been owed since JULY!!! I know that the world economy is causing problems for everyone…but that includes me too. I don’t make a fortune doing what I do, but the bills don’t go away. There is only so far the excuse of ‘the cheque is in the mail’ will go.
To top it all, I feel rotten. I have somesort of mega chest infection and feel as if I’ll never be human again. Yes I feel sorry for myself. It’s self indulgent, petty, pathetic and pitiful…and I don’t care!
Sigh.
It’s just so difficult to pick yourself up and drag yourself from under the duvet…and be thankful for what you’ve got. But I’m going to try_
Okaaay…
Because I’ve not had any money, we’ve been living out of the bottom of the freezer. A friend calls it ‘random combination week’ (or in my case ‘random combination three weeks’), the phrase amused me because it’s so true. I have mentioned my aversion to everyday cooking before, but my lack of funds has made me be much more creative in the kitchen. I actually made soup…twice…from scratch! It was lovely too. Much better than shop bought stuff. Then I discovered that chilli beef goes really well with pasta and you don’t have to drink iced coffee in the summer (I ran out of milk, so used vanilla ice-cream…it’s lovely!). I’ve been a lot less wasteful and ‘im indoors has had to be less fussy…or starve.
The snow and ice have melted where I live, so I walked to work…my butt is now made of steel and I lost seven pounds. (But ended up with a chest infection…you win some and you lose some.)
I also found that the most unlikely people can be ever so kind and I would like to take the opportunity to thank a neighbour who lent me teabags, and milk and refused to take the money off me when I finally gots some funds…and then gave me a bottle of wine and a box of choccies for doing some shopping for her when the weather was bad and she couldn’t get out. It made me cry.
I’ve shopped in places I would not normally shop at (snob that I am) and got some really good bargains, and utilised my freezer much more, so I’ve re-evaluated my habits and I figure I can save myself about £50 a month just on food!!!
It’s been really hard to motivate myself to do the ‘extra things’, (…the blog, the book, the ezine, the shorts, the articles, clear out the office, think of new ideas…) when you’re are just living from day to day. It’s the stupid things that get you down and make life seem so difficult….have I enough washing powder to clean my work clothes for next week? If I don’t put the heating on, will the electricty last long enough for me to have a shower?(we’re on a pay as you go type meter) One teabag can make us both a drink. The dog can eat the leftovers so I can get some milk…
I let my imagination make a game out of it…how creative and resourceful can I be? I found some pretty ingenious answers, even if I say so myself. I even found myself enjoying the challenge…although I’ll admit, not all the time. Crying in the bath is a lonely experience I wouldn’t wish on anybody.
I know I’m not the only person having problems and there are people in the world suffering a thousand times more than I am. I look back and I’ve just had to deal with it. We all just do. I’m still here. The bills will get paid…eventually and life will go on. I got a cheque on Friday, for some work I did in October…it will have cleared by Thursday…yay!
Light at the end of the tunnel…
So lessons I’ve learned…
- Keep things in perspective – I’ve missed opportunities, so what – there will be others – deal with what you can when you can.
- Prioritise – I can’t be all things to all people and neither can anyone else. Identify what is urgent and deal with that. You can do all the ‘want to do’s’ later when things lighten up…and they will.
- Be kind to yourself – I had to deal with alot of sh** in the last couple of weeks, so I have been guilty of self persecution- Don’t rip yourself apart because you should have done this or that…if your dealing with alot acknowledge that you are and give yourself a break. If someone else was having problems, you’d cut them some slack, wouldn’t you….? So do the same for yourself.
- Take time to reflect on what your doing – if you must blame yourself – fine…learn from the experience, even put plans into place to stop it happening again. Then move on. You can’t change what has gone on before – dwelling on it is just a waste of time.
- Use the experience in your work. Keep a journal. Throw it all down_ how you feel and what has made you feel that way. Apart from getting it off your chest, which does you the world of good psychologically, you have more material for later works. Who knows, this bad spell of mine might appear in some of my work later on. It’s a prime example of writing about what you know.
Look after each other people! 
